The C word wrecked my running and it wasn't cake!

When we think about Covid-19 we usually think about life and death, lockdown and wondering when we can get back to the normality of sitting in a restaurant eating meals with our friends or going to the pub after a club run. 

For some of us our thoughts of normality are just a little different…we are the survivors of Covid-19. 

The day after 'lockdown' began I awoke in the stupid early hours with a cough that would just not stop and within a couple of hours my temperature was at 40 degrees, refusing to come down with medication. 

It was pretty obvious at this point that this was not the flu and was likely to be Covid-19. Most parents of teens and preteens can only dream of escaping their offspring for a week away no matter how much they love them but I do not advise contracting the virus to do so. No sunny warm beach with a crystal blue sea and cocktails for me, instead I was shut away in a room coughing incessantly for over a week not wanting to eat or drink and wishing the fire in my body would go out. 

My kids were brilliant, knocking the door and checking on me at every opportunity whilst the older ones 'parented' my youngest with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder), as a single parent I wondered how we would cope if one of us became ill with the virus but my kids did me proud. My house looked like a bomb had hit it when I finally escaped my room but beggars can't be choosers, at least it was still standing. 

Mid-week, the Godzilla that was sat on my chest had suddenly gained another few tonnes making my chest feel even more crushed and I was struggling to breath. I was trying to avoid hospital at all costs but now had no choice but to call 111 for assistance. 

I didn't end up in hospital thankfully and by the end of the week my temperature had finally dropped and my symptoms had eased off. 

In that week I lost 11kgs and all of my fitness. 

There's so much research in to who is more at risk of catching the virus, who is more likely to be hospitalised, how to minimise transmission but for people like me who make it out the other side there is nothing. The joys of a novel virus! 

Almost 12 weeks on and I can barely run half a mile without taking multiple breaks gasping for breath and feeling like I've been running non-stop for days. I've run 5 marathons and would now struggle to beat a 4 year old running backwards with their eyes closed at junior parkrun if it was still being held. I'll admit I'm definitely not a speedy runner, most people know I run more for fun and for the social aspect (and for cake!) rather than competitively but this isn't fun and of course social interaction is very limited right now. 

There's no advice and no research to help guide us through recovery, we don't even know what the long-term implications are of having the virus so a lot of us are doing what all the coaches advise against… we are winging it. 

So now I'm back to basics and doing Couch to 5k. I sound like Thomas the Tank Engine if he had smoked 60 a day for the last 30 years which is working wonders for ensuring people social distance around me but not so great in assuring people that no, I don't actually need a medic (yet!). My pace is more on a par of a snail going through treacle and I always need a good nap after a run. The most annoying thing is Garmin telling me I need 407 hours to recover after a couple of miles of run/walk.

This may seem pretty bleak to most runners where running is life and yes, a vast majority of my life revolves around running whether it's overseeing the juniors, mentoring online or pacing but I'm not going to ignore the good and let the bad overwhelm me. 

There is no pressure for me to perform with races side lined, running a lot slower means I can take in more of the scenery and I can't believe how much I've missed by just focusing on keeping one foot going after the other because a plan told me to. 

I missed the cow going over the moon wind vane in Kensington Gardens, I missed the waterfall behind the Serpentine cafe, I missed the squirrels that try to climb up your leg in their quest for munchies oh, and I also missed that no way is Hyde Park flat!! 

I have no idea when I will fully recover and I don't know if I really will but one thing I do know is that despite the limbo, I'm grateful to be alive when so many others aren't; we take so much for granted and don't realise until it’s taken away from us. 

Covid-19 and lockdown definitely do not get a 5 star rating from me but the change in my perspective does…. I can still run, even if it is badly, and that's good enough for me.