Good humoured, yes....but don't smother your anger

I’m sure I’m not alone in having mixed feelings about the current lockdown. On a run at dusk last night, I was struck by the peace of the evening. The soft purple light, the pleasant temperate weather, the clean, clear air, the sounds of nature taking centerstage over the usual din of traffic or incoming flights to Heathrow. Occasionally, I’d come upon walkers or other runners on the sidewalk, but I could easily avoid them by diverting into the traffic free road. ‘This is the way it should always be.’ I thought. But then I remembered the reason it was like this. We’re in a lockdown and once I get home from my run, I’ll find myself self-isolating adhering to the government directive: Stay at home. Support the NHS. Save Lives.

Thursday evening, I joined the rest of Britain in clapping for the NHS and other workers who put themselves on the line to keep our society from collapsing. I walked out the door; there was my neighbor across the street clapping. I moved further into the garden and saw my next door neighbors banging pots and pans. I then progressed outside the gate and was awestruck to see the entire street applauding, ringing bells, even setting off fireworks. I have lived on this street for seven years and there were people there who I had never set eyes on until that night. I was overwhelmed by this display of solidarity. ‘This is the way it should always be.’ I thought. But then I remembered why people were gathering and clapping – to show appreciation for key workers, many on low wages, who still have to work outside the home and staff of the NHS who work tirelessly, sometimes without proper PPE. 

Now it’s the Bank Holiday weekend. Having already had my one outdoor exercise today, I can only look out the window longingly at the glorious spring day that has miraculously arrived for Easter weekend. Has there ever been such a streak of beautiful weather in Britain as we have seen during this lockdown? These are the weather conditions that vitamin-D-deprived Brits dream of and yet we are asked to stay indoors. Although there has been some shaming of people sunbathing in parks and gathering in groups, for the most part I think the public is trying their damndest to adhere to the directions to stay indoors and physical distance. Staying out of the parks on a day like today? That’s a big ask, but the people are doing it. Staying cooped up at home by yourself or with members of a household that you don’t necessarily get along with? That’s another big ask, but once again, people are doing it because they understand the disastrous consequences if they don’t. 

The other night, the Queen spoke. Delivered with her characteristic stoicism, her speech, though short, was highly effective. The main messages being: we will make it through this, we are part of something bigger, stay strong. Despite myself, I felt emotional and even had to wipe a few tears from my eyes. A speech like this, just as the Prime Minister was admitted to hospital with Covid-19, is what the British public needed to in order to remain resilient during the lockdown. But there was one bit from the speech that didn’t land right with me. Near the end she stresses the importance of “…quiet, good-humoured resolve…”. On hearing these words, I felt a flash of shame run through me. I didn’t feel good-humoured resolve. I felt angry and frustrated. 

It’s not just the Queen who has touted the benefits of a ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ attitude, but also the politicians and news. Often, it’s not stated in such direct words as the Queen used. Instead, we are bombarded with images of cheerful families and well-adjusted individuals who seem to be able to happily adapt to life in lockdown with no feelings of frustration, depression, or ire. I am not here to rail against positivity in the face of adversity. In fact, I think we need lots of hope, strength, and warm feelings to make it through this crisis. But I am still angry and I strongly believe that it’s ok and even beneficial to be angry. The health officials have told us that the lockdown is the correct response for coping with this emergency and I believe them, but it didn’t have to be this way. A lockdown is the not the first course of action in dealing with an emerging virus. It is what must be done when a virus gets out of hand and governments need to buy time so that the health system doesn’t get overloaded and a vaccine can be developed. I am angry that some governments pretend a virus such as Covid-19 was unforeseen when we know that’s not true. I am angry that there seems to be so little coordination between countries in tackling this virus. I am angry that after years of underfunding, the NHS is left unable to cope effectively with the disease. I am especially angry at the government of my home country, the United States, for weakening the public health department so much that states like New York have to resort to b
urying the Covid-19 dead in mass graves. This is definitely not how it should be.  

So, try to stay positive. Try to connect with your community and help those around you. Try to do the best you can at living under lockdown. But don’t feel shame about being frustrated and angry. These are normal feelings in the face of these extraordinary circumstances. Furthermore, don’t work to erase your anger and frustration in an attempt to achieve the good-humoured, resolute ideal. Hold onto a tiny nugget of it. It’s powerful stuff, anger, and if used wisely it will help us work for change when we come out of all this. It will motivate you to contact your MP, advocate for our NHS, raise the living standards of people in low wage jobs, and hold our governments to account for the mess we’re in now. Maybe by remembering the frustration we feel now we can work to change the future of the country – keeping the community cohesion and recognition of key workers that has emerged from the lockdown, but discarding the short-termism and lack of planning that put us into the situation in the first place.

from Diana Valk and the Serpie Mental Health Champions

photo by Diana Valk

A podcast MHC, Fliss Berridge, found helpful on a related subject is "Comparative Suffering, the 50/50 Myth and Settling the Ball" by Ted Talker and Psychology Researcher, Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-comparative-suffering-the-50-50-myth-and-settling-the-ball/ 

If you would like to talk to a Mental Health Champion, and/or if you would like to write a post, please email wellbeing@serpentine.org.uk

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Serpies survive Covid-19 blog: https://serpies.blogspot.com/2020/03/day-3.html

Views in this blog are the author’s own, it does not constitute advice, neither Serpentine nor the Serpentine Mental Health Champions and Ambassadors recommend or endorse this post and it has not been independently verified